How to Survive a Long Distance Marriage.

Long Distance Relationship, Dating, Marriage, Love, Long Distance Relationship, Husband

When my husband told me that he was going to begin traveling with his job I thought nothing of it. To be honest, I reveled in the idea of being able to have some time off from my wifely duties of cooking and having to deal with household stuff immediately. I was excited at the thought of me having four whole days to myself. I could come home from work and not worry about what was going to be for dinner, I would be able to sleep in my bed without waking up to loud snorts or snores, I could even leave my stuff lying around and not worry about him asking me where it goes. To me, this was going to be great! The girls (my dogs) and I would live like bachelorettes, without the dating, of course. Plus we’d save money on gas and food since he wasn’t having to drive a to work every day and I’d be only cooking for one. As an optimist, I only thought of the pros leaving very little room for the negativity or the comments of “concern” that my family raised when I told them of my husbands soon to be traveling trips. 

As the time went on and my husband’s one-month travel assignments turned to three and four months. He was traveling up and down the East coast and was only working from home for short periods of time before the next travel assignment. I quickly grew into a routine of basically living alone. He’d head out early on Monday mornings and wouldn’t be back until Thursday night.  When people asked me if I missed my husband during the week my verbal answer would be yes, but my mental answer would be no. Yes, you read that correctly, NO! Of course, I couldn’t possibly tell them no, as I didn’t want them judging me or thinking I didn’t care, and really it’s not that I didn’t love him or cherish our marriage. I honestly appreciated the sacrifice he was making to be away and provide for our household. It’s just that I enjoy the alone time during the week as it allows me to accomplish many things without having to worry about his needs as well. Selfish Much? Actually no. Alone time is something that is very important in a marriage. It allows you to breath and be able to do your own thing. This is why I have my own “Beauty Room” upstairs and why I keep promising my husband we’ll finish the basement. However, not every relationship is as simple as mine. To be completely fair, I may have it easier than others, as currently we do not have children and my dogs are 75% self-sufficient minus the need to go for walks and to be fed. Alone time or not a long distance marriage can very well put strain on the spouse that stays at home, depending on the situation and circumstances around the type of job or travel that the significant other is doing. 

Oddly enough, him being away has allowed our marriage to grow stronger. When he returns on Thursday night he’s greeted with hugs and kisses from myself and our girls instead of the simple peck and “How was your day?” that we’d grown accustomed to. We now sit around and cuddle instead of going off in our different directions as we would do when he was working locally. We laugh more, play more, and talk more now than we did before. It’s like we’re dating all over again, as a majority of our relationship was long distance due both of us finishing up graduate degrees and moving for work. I’ve even taken to slipping things in his briefcase for him to find later in the week while he’s away just to remind him I love him. This “long distance marriage” has reminded me to cherish the small amount time I do get to spend with him the same way I did when we were dating, and to make the most of it because on Monday he’ll be back on the road again.

 Here are some tips on Surviving a Long Distance Marriage that both parties in the relationship can benefit from.

1. Understand that travel is a necessity for work and not a personal pleasure. Don’t fill jilted that your SO is constantly traveling while you stay at home. Surprising there are perks to the travel that you can enjoy. With my husbands travel miles we’ve booked a week long vacation to Aruba and it cost us only $100 out of pocket. 

2. Ensure that you dedicate time to talk with  loved ones. If you have free time at work try to send text messages or place a quick call.With work travel times can be skewed as there may be a time zone difference or long hours need to be worked to finish an assignment don’t take offense if conversations aren’t as in-depth as you’d like. Use the time you do have to really talk instead of nagging or complaining to your loved one about something they haven’t done or forgot to do. 

3.When your spouse arrives home the first thing you probably want to do is catch them up on everything that went on in the house.  Allow your spouse time to decompress before giving out your to do list.  Be understanding if everything on said to do list can not be completed in that one weekend. 

4. Make sure that you save small things to share together. i.e, tv shows, movies, dining out. Though I usually watch the show Empire when it comes on Wednesday nights I always rewatch it with my husband over the weekend as he enjoys the show also.

5.Both parties should  remind each other how important they are to each other. This involves intimacy, using your love languages, as well as small gestures that ultimately mean a lot to the other. 

If you’re involved in a long distance relationship or marriage how do you survive the time away from your spouse? Share your  tips and thoughts in the comments below.

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11 Comments

  1. cca
    January 26, 2015 / 2:24 am

    So timely, thanks for sharing. I will use these tips! so grateful

  2. January 26, 2015 / 1:30 pm

    KUDOS to you for staying positive about the transition. I believe that the 4 days alone allows you to gain great perspective about yourself and your marriage and you are able to give him your full attention when he arrives home. Here is to an even stronger marriage in the future.

  3. January 26, 2015 / 1:49 pm

    Time apart is essential in a marriage! It may not be as frequently as you’re faced with, but I make it my business to do things alone and allow for him to do the same. It gives you a chance to miss each other in the way you used to before the comfort and complacency of marriage kicked in. Great post!

  4. January 26, 2015 / 3:12 pm

    Good for you for figuring out how to make it work! These tips will be so helpful for folks in this situation.

  5. January 26, 2015 / 3:23 pm

    This is such a beautiful post. My hubby and I was in a long distance relationship when were dating and sometimes I do miss the thought of “missing” him, if that makes sense. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.

  6. January 26, 2015 / 8:00 pm

    I thought I was the only wife that didn’t mind having her husband away from time to time. It really is the best of both worlds and this was all great for us up until the kid thing and then I began feeling like a single parent. That took some getting used and since I have a little village of support, it isn’t so bad. Not ideal but not awful like it was in the beginning. And how awesome for you to mention love languages. I am currently reading that book. Great post!

  7. January 26, 2015 / 11:15 pm

    Oh I know this feeling. My husband and I were long distance just over 3 years. Honestly we cherished our time and the little things more than we do now. Not to mention I think we both crave alone time. It’s hard to get but we are working on it and also working on us.
    Love your outlook and your realness.

  8. January 27, 2015 / 10:48 am

    I love your take/insight on the long distance marriage and the tips you share. I think that having a solid foundation/relationship is key to being able to survive any long distance relationship and it’s clear you and hubby have that. I definitely agree in the need to have that alone time, and it can really strengthen your relationship and give you a deeper appreciation for each other.

  9. January 27, 2015 / 10:58 am

    Love your positivity about the situation. My hubby and I were in an international long distance relationship for a little over a year. We only got to see each other about four times. I can definitely say it strengthened our relationship.

  10. February 7, 2015 / 1:00 pm

    Okay Melody…I was ready to lend my ooh and awws and virtual sister support…BUT am so pleasantly surprised by your perspective on your relationship! I like those ideals even for a marriage where there is no missed time or long distance. All the very best to you and your hubby boo! Ps. I love your site!